is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
