Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
