DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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