Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
