I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
time to smoke my breakfast
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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