I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
