I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
