I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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