yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
