handjob tips. give me some.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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