'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
