I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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