just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
id be glad to
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
