I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
