you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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