I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
