I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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