I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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