Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
