I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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