He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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