Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
