operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
