I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
