Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
