She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Terrible idea I love it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm always down for nudity.
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