I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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