I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
