Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
