If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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