found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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