I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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