we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
