Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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