roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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