Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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