I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
