Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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