pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize