Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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