So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
