I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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