I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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