All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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