I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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