I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
