ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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