Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
