is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
dude. I can hear the air.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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