she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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