So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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