There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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