Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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