You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
