why didn't you poke me back
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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