I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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