I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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