Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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