I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
