Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
