I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
