we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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