I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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