Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize