Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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