Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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