Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
