no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
