I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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