I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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