I can text with my tongue
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
