It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
