someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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