Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
