just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
