And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
