If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
