Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
